


Pages of Life and Death

by jebbypal



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen, Post-Serenity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-29
Updated: 2006-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-10 05:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jebbypal/pseuds/jebbypal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lives are a story.  So are deaths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pages of Life and Death

River watches as the rest carry out Mal's orders. There's nothing else to do. These deaths, the knowledge of more, it's broken each and every one of them.

The book was broken. Book is broken. Neither can be fixed apart, and yet, together, neither is right. Or so it seems.

River feels that his memories are tinged with the first half of his symbol, his present self an epitome of the second. Two sides of the same coin. Neither whole without the other.

But the book was broken. And Book is dead.

* * *

He keeps washing his hands. He keeps washing and washing and trying not to think about how all of these deaths are because of River. Because he saved River. Because his parents sent his sister to that god damned school.

"Simon."

He jumps at the gentleness of Inara's voice as well as the questioning touch on his arm.

She turns the water off and gently towels his hands dry, careful of the abrasions from the ropes.

From the scrubbing.

"We should have buried him. We should have said a prayer," Simon says.

Inara cups his face. "We will. When we take off."

He nods. It will be a silent memorial, but it will have to do.

* * *

Inara begins to pray to the Goddess as the first speck of red signals that the ship has entered the atmosphere. She wonders if Book is offended that she's praying to her Goddess instead of his God. Of all the Shepherds she's met, he never seemed ill at-ease in her company.

She wonders if he knew a Companion intimately before he took his vows.

Tears wet her face as she realizes how little she knew about the man who had taken the name Book.

* * *

Wash can see the Reavers on the radar screen and the Alliance through the cockpit window. As Book would say, a rock and a hard place. All they have to do is survive the earthquake and it will all be over.

Except it won't. He can feel the silence between Mal and Zoe like he never has before. She's angry for their friend. Angry that Mal has taken them into the fire with no way out. All the times she's spoken up for Simon and River, Wash knows that she never imagined that the two represented this kind of danger.

Still, he's comforted that at least Book won't be present for this final fight. He knew how much the violence weighed on Book's soul. Often, they'd sat together waiting for the others to get back while Kaylee worked on the engines and Simon on his sister.

He hopes Book won't be offended that he hopes it will be a good long time before they have another one of those talks.

* * *

Kaylee fiddles with the projections. When she had the idea of making a video gravestone for the Shepherd, she'd never thought she'd be making one for Wash as well. The programming is off, jerkier than what Wash would have been able to do, but it's the best she can get it.

Boat feels emptier with both of them dead. Oh, sure, Book had left some time before …Well, a while ago. But he'd helped her so much with the repairs to _Serenity_ in his free time that she felt like he'd become a part of the boat. Looking around the engine room, she could spot two parts Book had helped her shape and a third that he'd argued down the price from the junk-dealer by threatening the man's immortal soul.

Boat just wouldn't be the same without 'em.

* * *

Jayne smokes one of the cigars that Book'd given him for his birthday while the rest say their words over the stones. He can't really say he's ever been to a funeral before where the body wasn't present. Book's is scattered betwixt two planets at least. He figures that'll cause him to haunt Mal for that decision.

Never woulda thought that he'd be standing at Book's funeral. Jayne had expected it woulda been the other way around.

Can't decide if he likes it much this way so he focuses instead on the cigar.

* * *

Zoe spends her time alone. Once, she would have turned to Mal, but right now she has too much anger to talk to him. Unreasonable, she recognizes. They'd all agreed. After what had happened to Book and their other friends, they knew there were risks.

Still, Wash was supposed to be the safe one. When he was in danger, they were all in danger. The thought that if he died, they'd all die, had comforted her more than it should of.

Empty comfort.

She misses Book. This is the sort of thing she would have talked to him about. He'd listened to her pour out her soul about Serenity Valley those last few months before he'd left. A confession of sorts. She couldn't ask Mal for absolution. Hell would freeze over if the captain ever knew what had been sacrificed to make sure he lived through the camps.

Wash had brought joy back into her life. Book had helped her find a measure of peace for the first time in years.

Both were gone now.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

It was all Mal could manage to say. If they'd arrived at Haven earlier, if he'd convinced Book to come back with them on their last stop. If he hadn't driven him away in the first place.

"Reckon I won't be seeing you again. This rock holds nothing but nightmares, and I doubt I'll make it to where you are. In your spare time, watch over them, would you? I try, but obviously, my best isn't good enough."

Mal nods to Book's image and looks out into the pouring rain before turning to go back to his ship. Back to his crew. It was time to start taking care of the living again.


End file.
